I know I am the world's worst blog writer but I have to let it out. It is near impossible for me to just let anything or everything go.
Is it possible to hate a part of yourself so much that you always try to change but never can? More importantly, is it possible to have a character flaw you can never shake off.
I am not blind to the negative aspects of being human. In my head I realize that I will never be perfect but it is hard for me to accept my flaws.
My personality leaves much to be desired in the way of grudge holding.
I like to think I don't hold grudges but it is painfully obvious that I easily get bitter and can hold a grudge like no other bitty I know.
The thing about being bitter and angry (which goes along with holding a grudge) is that it hurts no one else but the grudge holder. I am only hurting myself, a lot like a teenage cuter who just likes to see the blood.
I am so bitter toward my job for everything it is causing me to miss, for all the hours I put in, for the fact that my paycheck says I only work 44 hours a week instead of close to 60, for not being able to see my family, and for doing something I hate...Retail Sales.
I am trying but so far I just have not been able to let a lot of anger go....
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Stop and Smell the Story
Years ago I discovered the power of my nose.
I am but a mere human but for a human I have quite the sense of smell. (This makes perfect sense to me because I am very blind and can not see a 2 foot letter right in front of me with out my glasses, nature had to give me something. )
I can walk by a person and tell exactly what bath and body works fragrance they are wearing, I can smell a dog pee stain from outside my apartment door, thanks Kahlua!
I can smell when things are still good but about to go bad, I can even smell how many days it has been since Josh washed his hair last.
So it isn't the most important talent in the world, and so what everyone else has the same ability. I may think I have a stronger sense of smell than the average person but in reality I may just be one of few who is detailed oriented enough to smell my surroundings.
This unfortunately brings me to my obsession or love for all different kinds of smells. I love to smell "good", which I realize is a perception.
My favorite smell is a candle fragrance that Yankee Candle put out several years ago called "Midsummer's Night"
It is meant to provoke the sense of romance and beauty that Shakespeare wrote about.
To me it leads my imagination into the halls of Hogwarts and up the towers to the Divination room.
When I was reading the 3rd installment into Harry's battle against evil, I came across a car freshener for this scent and used it as a book mark.
I was surprised to find myself more involved in the world than I ever had been before. It all started when I opened the book where I left the makeshift book mark the day before and felt as if i were standing in the great hall.
I could smell the potions, the thick perfumes and aroma of the old castle. It was a sensation I had only heard about from Josh or my good friends David and Corey.
They always talked about books like they were something you could be a part of and now I knew what they meant.
I have read hundreds of books in my life but Harry Potter series are still my favorite. I wonder how many more books I would read if I could match them all to a scent that would pull my imagination into the words on the pages.
This is kind of sad to admit but I miss that experience so much that sometimes I put light a "Midsummer's Night" candle to try to remember the way I felt as I traveled with Harry and his friends through the castle looking for adventure.
I am but a mere human but for a human I have quite the sense of smell. (This makes perfect sense to me because I am very blind and can not see a 2 foot letter right in front of me with out my glasses, nature had to give me something. )
I can walk by a person and tell exactly what bath and body works fragrance they are wearing, I can smell a dog pee stain from outside my apartment door, thanks Kahlua!
I can smell when things are still good but about to go bad, I can even smell how many days it has been since Josh washed his hair last.
So it isn't the most important talent in the world, and so what everyone else has the same ability. I may think I have a stronger sense of smell than the average person but in reality I may just be one of few who is detailed oriented enough to smell my surroundings.
This unfortunately brings me to my obsession or love for all different kinds of smells. I love to smell "good", which I realize is a perception.
My favorite smell is a candle fragrance that Yankee Candle put out several years ago called "Midsummer's Night"
It is meant to provoke the sense of romance and beauty that Shakespeare wrote about.
To me it leads my imagination into the halls of Hogwarts and up the towers to the Divination room.
When I was reading the 3rd installment into Harry's battle against evil, I came across a car freshener for this scent and used it as a book mark.
I was surprised to find myself more involved in the world than I ever had been before. It all started when I opened the book where I left the makeshift book mark the day before and felt as if i were standing in the great hall.
I could smell the potions, the thick perfumes and aroma of the old castle. It was a sensation I had only heard about from Josh or my good friends David and Corey.
They always talked about books like they were something you could be a part of and now I knew what they meant.
I have read hundreds of books in my life but Harry Potter series are still my favorite. I wonder how many more books I would read if I could match them all to a scent that would pull my imagination into the words on the pages.
This is kind of sad to admit but I miss that experience so much that sometimes I put light a "Midsummer's Night" candle to try to remember the way I felt as I traveled with Harry and his friends through the castle looking for adventure.
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